Day 15 of (not) writing Me Here Without You Now

I haven’t been writing for a while… I guess my mom is right, who is going to read my book anyway? Still haven’t found a teaching job, applying like crazy. A former student of mine wrote to me how much they miss me and how much they learnt from me. I miss them! I’m considering what else I could be doing with my life if this teaching doesn’t pan out. I’m looking into UX design. I’ve started this course on FutureLearn. It’s pretty straightforward but I don’t think actually working in UX design is that easy. Besides, I’m not really interested in it. All I want to do is teach, basically. (And write, she whispered.) I’m a good teacher too. I think I am, anyway. And students think so too. I don’t know, this is hard. Everyone keeps telling me, take this time and enjoy it, you have all the time in the world. But I’m constantly worried and feeling like a failure because I don’t have a job.

On Outlander… Binge watched a couple of episodes, because of course I did. The drama, the plot twists. Every episode pretty much ending on a cliffhanger. I don’t know. I know it’s meant to be like this to keep people watching so that the show has a chance competing against a billion other shows but it is a bit much. For me, anyway. Claire and Jamie are apart in the Search episode but so much has happened from their wedding. Claire has been raped, killed someone, helped deliver a baby, accused of witchcraft, almost killed (if I remember correctly, on several occasions), etc. Oh, she’s told Jamie that she’s from another time. Another plot twist, did not see that one coming either. He’s super understanding as of course he would be. So, he helps her to try and go back to her time and her husband. Then the sexiest scene in Outlander happens. Jamie makes her come without having sex with her, he just wants to watch her. Oh, young love! When you do things just for the other person. And yes, I have checked, Outlander was written – I guessed it! – by a woman. Anyway, after that night, Claire of course cannot return to her own time, she has to stay with Jamie. It’s very emotional and he urges her to go home although he wants her to stay and she spends the whole deciding what to do only for her to return to him at night. Then they go to his home and she meets her sister, help deliver the sister’s baby, some bad men come and want to kill Jamie, he runs and then like a day, two after giving birth Jamie’s sister and Claire go look for Jamie on horseback. As you do, right? Literally died of the imaginary pain in my crotch from watching this.