Day 55 of Publishing Me Here Without You Now

Don’t know if it is actually day 55, to be frank, as I’ve been so busy with everything that I lost track of counting the days. I have given up on being traditionally published at the time and am moving forward with publishing on my own. I actually got my ISBN’s for my e-book and printed book, my book is in fact available for pre-order and I’m running a review campaign on Booksprouts. I kind of gave on being traditionally published, because I don’t live in the USA or UK, which would make book promotions tough. Apart from that I’m not a fanstasy writer or a YA writer, which I think are kind of the requirements for getting a traditional publisher. I’m fully expecting for my book to disappear once it’s finally online and available for order. That no one will know about it. And no one will know what a big failure I am, writing and publishing a book no one wants to read. Of course, secretly deep down in my heart, I hope thousands and thousands of people find it, buy it, read it, that it touches them for a moment and gives them something, brings them joy, makes them feel something, makes them feel better about their life, something… It’s so hard to fight these two conflicting emotions with my head taking over more often than not. I’ve set it up for it to be published on my birthday in October, which is almost two months away. I fully give myself permission to simply take it down before or even after, which is something I have almost done on numerous occassions. But I keep telling myself that the best thing about living in a huge world with billions of writers I imagine, and millions of books published every month, is that one tiny book can hide very well, almost like it isn’t out there with all the other books.

I haven’t posted much about Outlander because I haven’t posted much at all. I have just finished watching the first part of Season 7, now we have to wait for the second part, which is supposed to come only in 2024. I’m hoping by then I’ll have two books written and published. I loved Season 7, it was less dramatic than the other ones, so far no sexual violence apart from setting a prostitute on fire (there’s always something). Well, none of the main characters were raped, which is always a win for Outlander. Jamie and Claire did, however, get their house burnt down, and Jamie hurt his hand in the war. They are headed to Scotland now, which is where I just got back from.

Fell in love with it, really! Just my luck, Sam Heughan, was of course all that time, the whole ten days, in America, signing gin bottles. Hoping to come back one day and stay longer, rent a place on Isle of Sky or somewhere remote and just write and walk, and walk and write. And read, of course.

I’ve written about three chapters of Me There With You Before, not as much as I wanted to. I’ve just been so busy with work, school. I’d hoped to write it during the summer but time just slipped away from me. Hoping to write more soon, the story is practically all in my head, I just need to get it onto the computer.